Sunday, December 16, 2007

Monday's The Day

Well, tomorrow is the day for my surgery. They are going to dilate my throat and put in a stent if everything goes according to plans. The last time I had this procedure done (minus the stent) was in August and there were slight complications after the surgery which made me stay overnight. There was some kind of reaction to something that still remains unnamed. And this time, I am going to end up with a "foreign object" in my trachea. That all being said, there is a part of me that is a bit apprehensive. I'm a little burned out on being put to sleep. I also am wondering what that stent is going to feel like. The doctor told me that for awhile, until I got used to it, I would be clearing my throat a lot because it would feel like there is something in my throat. (Wait a minute.....there WILL BE something in my throat) I am working hard at psyching myself up to be prepared for this when I wake up. I don't want to bolt out of the bed screaming at the top of my lungs begging for them to yank it out. That is not cool. Nor grown up. Nor appreciated by any of the medical staff I'm sure. So, as I always do - I try to work this out so that my own efforts will sustain me. Its my style. I can handle it. I can do it myself.

God gave me a verse this week that has changed my thinking. Psalm 44:4-6
"You are my King and my God, who decrees victories for Jacob. Through you we push back our enemies; through your name we trample our foes. I do not trust in my bow, my sword does not bring me victory, but you give us victory over our enemies, you put our adversaries to shame.

Most often, my adversary is myself. My adversary is my pridefulness in thinking that I can do it myself. But - I do not trust in my bow and my sword does not bring me victory. The anxiety I'm feeling and the fear of what it will feel like can be conquered by strength from God alone. That isn't to say that it is going to feel great - but I will be able to handle it because I will be relying on God and not myself.

The next time you hear me talk, I will have breath. The next time I'm in church, I will sing. The next time I walk up a flight of stairs, I will not wheeze.

Thank you my Father.

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