The pictures say it all

I just got back from Kansas.... and may I just say how wonderful it was to see my children and that little boy! I had so much fun! It was great to just sit and drink coffee and talk. We didn't do so very much - but I needed time to just "be" with them - and that was accomplished.

Braylon didn't feel good Friday evening - and he fell asleep in my arms. I'm just here to tell you - there is nothing at all in the world like holding a sleepy little boy. Nothing. My grandson occupies one of the most special spots in my heart.
I am so blessed. I am just blessed beyond my capacity to hold it all. I love my children to pieces - and my visit was the absolute best!

The Geek Squad

Ok - this post is gonna be just silly - but the other day when I was driving home from work, I pulled up along side a volkswagen from the Geek Squad. You know the cars - they are black and white VW Bugs.... and there is a Geek driving.

I can't explain it - it was almost like pulling up along side the Presidential motorcade. Ok, maybe not so much - but I had to catch myself from waving and smiling at him. I didn't even get a good look at what a Geek looks like - but he probably looked smart and educated and.... well, "on a mission". I wanted to tell him that I was proud of him and don't let the word "Geek" get you down, but I'm pretty sure he could have cared less one way or the other.

Jay was having trouble with his computer the other day and had an appointment with a "Geek" and I was so excited to hear how it went - but as it turned out, it was a phone thing that took care of it. He didn't get to see a "Geek". Dang.

All's I'm saying is if I ever have a computer issue, I'm not settling for a phone call. I want to see a Geek. Wow.

Listening to God Today

God spoke to me today in three different ways - saying three different things to something I cried out to him about this morning in my quiet time.

Let me start out from yesterday afternoon. I went to see my surgeon for a pre-operative visit. We talked about a lot of things - one of them being a discussion about my throat surgery I had just last Friday and the fact that there were issues concerning my breathing as I was coming out of anesthesia. He told me that he had been in conference with my ENT surgeon about the upcoming gastric bypass. My ENT surgeon wants to be nearby while I'm in surgery "just in case" I have problems breathing again - in case when they intubate me my throat swells up again and there are airway issues. He went on to tell me that there is a slight possibility that if there are issues, they will leave the airway in place and that when I wake up from surgery, it will still be there and that they will keep it in overnight and that I will remain in ICU until they take it out the next day.

My eyes were wide and I'm sure my jaw was dropped. He told me that he imagined it was a little scary for me to think about. I told him that it was. I told him that I can't imagine liking how that was going to feel and that I would think I would be very anxious about it. He said that many people are and that if they do have to leave it in and I wake up agitated and fighting them, that they will keep me sedated while its in and then wait to wake me up after they've taken it out.

I thought about it all evening long. In fact, it was really all I could think about. While its only a slight possibility that it will happen, it is something that is a possibility and I was scared. I imagined the feeling being like suffocated (which isn't true I know - in fact I'm sure its quite the opposite) but I just don't want to wake up with an airway still in me.

This brings me to this morning. I had a shortened quiet time because I had to get to the office by 7 o'clock. I went right past my reading and devotions and started my prayer time. I told God that I was scared. I told him that I didn't want for this to happen - I did not want to wake up with an airway in and that I wasn't sure that I could handle it. I told him that I was afraid and that I was going to panic when I woke up. I cried. He heard me.

About 10 o'clock this morning, God said to me "When are you going to quit trying to do things on your own? When are you going to completely give things to me to handle for you?" I remembered that we'd had this conversation before. I knew just what he was talking about and I surrendered. I knew he was right. I cannot handle a single thing on my own. I cannot handle the fear or the idea of the airway. But He can.

A little later on, someone called the office and was telling me about how she missed her mother. Her mother had recently passed away. This woman was also going through a job change and a possible selling of her home. She was dealing with sisters who were not strong and she had to be the "stand up girl" for everything dealing with her mother's death. She told me that there was no way she could go through all of this if it wasn't her strength from God. She also told me that she knew that God was refining her. God asked me if I was listening. He is refining me - and he chooses to do it how he chooses to do it.

The third way God spoke to me today concerning this is that my co-worker brought a devotion in to me to read. She has never done this before but she told me that she thought it was really good. It talked about how God never gives us more than we can handle. God said "Why would you think that I would ever give you more than you could handle?"

I don't know if I will wake up with the airway in or not. I won't know until I'm in the middle of it. But I do know that God loves me so much that he took time today to hear me and he took time today to speak clearly three times. He told me that he wants me to give everything to Him to take care of. He told me that He is refining me for himself. And he told me that he would never give me more than I can handle.

I'm ready for my surgery.

The Necessity of Insurance

Everybody needs different types of insurance. Some insurances are required by state law such as vehicle liability insurance and property liability insurance. You absolutely have to have homeowners insurance of some type in case of fire etc. Some people have life insurance, some don't. Some people have cancer insurance and nursing home insurance. Some people insure their pets.

But then there's health insurance. Unfortunately not everybody has it - but its so necessary. There are a variety of options out there and most of them are very expensive and they certainly have their exclusions of what they will pay for.

I've been "fighting" with my insurance company for the last two months about them paying for my gastric bypass surgery. At first it was a flat no. Then I was told that they might pay for it under certain circumstances. So we jumped through hoops and did psychiatric evaluations and sent reports and letters etc. This went on and on and we talked to so many different people it wasn't even funny. They finally told us that they would pay for it. I was thrilled! Then they said no.We need more proof of necessity. So we did more. We sent more. We worked harder. Then they told us two weeks ago that it was a go. They even called the doctor's office and gave them a confirmation number. We scheduled the surgery and I was just so excited. Then the first part of this week we got more news that they had denied and they don't know how it got through that it would be paid for, but that it wasn't true. :(

I don't know what we would have done if we wouldn't have had health insurance when Josh had his wreck. His total bill was a half a million dollars. There was no way that would have been paid for.

I had throat surgery yesterday morning - the same surgery I've had 8 other times because of acid reflux - and this time they had a little more trouble so they kept me in ICU overnight to make sure my breathing was ok. That alone would have been very expensive but fortunately my insurance does pay for that and I have met my deductible.

My point? You gotta have insurance. Its just too bad that you pay and arm and a leg for it and sometimes - they give you nothing in return. In this case, you do not always get what you pay for.

Panda and Bun

My girls each had a stuffed animal when they were small that was very important to them. I do not remember Josh having anything special - maybe its a girl thing.

Chelsie had Panda - a small black and white bear that she named. He probably was fluffy and plump when she first got him - but as time wore on, he wore out. His fur was kind of matted down to one flat length and his stuffing was flattened out as well. I believe he still had both of his eyes and I'm pretty sure his nose was sewn on so that was still intact for the most part.

She carried him backwards - or what I consider backwards. His back was up against her stomach. Her hand rested on his stomach and she held his left arm. He was with her quite a bit of the time but he was ALWAYS with her at night. That is.... until the day Panda got lost. We searched and searched. We just couldn't find that old boy anywhere. She was so sad and frankly, I felt bad too. Then one day it was time to change the sheets on her bed and there, tucked between the mattress and the wall was a cute little smooched bear - waiting patiently for a little girl to find him. She was a happy child - and I'm sure she slept better at night.

Rachael had Bun. She was a small brown rabbit that was laying on her legs I believe. You couldn't actually see her legs... but she was not standing up. Bun also accompanied us pretty much everywhere we went. She was a little small bunny that could travel easily with Rachael. She fit well in her one little hand.

I believe it was 1st grade when that rabbit disappeared, never to be seen again. Mrs. Brown had the front display and for some reason, Bun was in the display. From that point on, after the display, we never saw her again. Rachael has always thought that Chrissy Wernette took her - I don't know where that idea came from, but that was always the thought. We sometimes think that we've seen Bun but Rachael won't even let us pretend that we see her. Its still a sensitive topic.

The girls have had plenty of other soft animals - there were also People Pillows and Cabbage Patch Kids. There were Pound Puppies and Strawberry Shortcake Dolls. Who can forget Care Bears and The Get-Along-Gang. But nothing ever could or ever will take the place of Panda and Bun.