Sunday, January 6, 2008

Understanding how Josh must have felt

I believe that I might now have a little insight into how Josh must have felt as he was trying to weave his way out of his "drug haze" he was in after his accident. We all noticed changes in his personality and he had a certain glaze in his eyes that we just couldn't see through. I do not remember the exact number of days that they kept him sedated, but I know that he was on pain medication much stronger and much longer than I was.

This past week has been very frustrating, to say the least. Every day I have felt physically stronger, to a degree. But, I have not felt much stronger mentally. I have had trouble putting thought processes together and I have had trouble being logical. I could watch a movie ok - but reading took quite a bit of concentration and it never would last long. I had trouble forming typed sentences. Jay took me out for dinner after my doctor's appointment on Friday and I wasn't able to make a decision whether to cross the street or not. I couldn't tell if it was safe. I just held on 'cause I knew Jay would make the correct decision. It took me time to process thoughts for a conversation. Saturday, we went to the mall to pick up a few things and to get me out of the apartment. Jay ended up handing me a sack, telling me to stand still, don't move and he would return in a few minutes after he went inside a store. He had to almost treat me like a little girl, telling me exactly every detail for me to undetstand. I knew it was happening - I just couldn't do anything about it.

I am also having problems with depth perception. I can't tell if I need to take a step up or down. Stairs are kinda tricky. My eyesight is a little fuzzy too.

My doctor said this is all due to being sedated for four days, for only being out of the hospital for a week and for being on such strong antibiotics. Today was my last antibiotic - so I am hoping to see some progress tomorrow.

Its just an odd feeling. I know my thought processes aren't crisp - I'm not being lulled into a false sense of security or anything - but I can't make things better. He said in time things will clear up.

All this leads me to my topic: I believe I see a little more into how Josh much have felt after he was coming out of his surgeries etc. How frustrating it must have been for him! True - he had a massive head injury that I didn't have but that only compounds the issues for him. He had to deal with strong antibiotics, pain killers, injuries etc. and it must have been very frustrating for him to know that he was fuzzy and not able to do much about it. To top it all off, we were not understanding why he was the way he was.

I'm going to try to go back into work tomorrow for part of a day. I can't imagine what my e-mails must look like. I just need to gradually try to re-focus my brain and try to regain some thought strength.

I've just been thinking all day today about Josh. I'm going to call him a little later on and see how much of this part of the process he remembers. Its a very interesting set of circumstances to be in the middle of. Lets just say, I"m not ready to discuss anything with much meat to it right now. The time it took me to type this blog is about as long as my attention span goes! :)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm just so glad that you are on the upward slope! Hang in there, Sheryl!