Friendship and other things

Here it is Monday already. I'm just never quite ready for them for some reason. I'm dressed and ready to go to the gym and my head seems to be screwed on tight - so it's definitely a "go".

I want to talk about friends right now. And I don't mean friends in general - I do have so many friends and I am so thankful for that. I have some very dear friends back in Kansas. I also have high school friends and college friends, not to mention friends here in South Carolina.

But I'm talking about a close friend - a GOOD friend. I'm coming to realize that they are pretty hard to come by.

There have been so many opportunities down here to develop a close friendship - but nobody really ever takes the time. There are so many other agendas - so many other factors that get in the way.

So what am I really looking for?  Here are the qualities I would love to find in a close friend:

• Someone who might call me at the drop of a hat to say good morning or "how are you doing?"
• Someone who I could call at the drop of a hat and vent to - who would actually listen to me without starting in on their own issues
• Someone who wants to do things with me, outside of the already scheduled activities that we're involved in such as water aerobics, mahjongg, work, small group etc.
• Someone who wants to invest herself in a closer relationship/friendship - who can both listen carefully and speak freely, both with her heart open
• Someone who is honest
• Someone who might just randomly call to see if I want to go out for coffee

I wonder if my expectations are too high. I wonder if this kind of person only existed in high school or college and doesn't exist in the reality world. There seriously has to be women out there who desire the same thing.

This is not to take anything at all away from my husband - because all of these things exist with him. But sometimes, I just want a female friend. It's a little different - it's on a different level.

So why is this friendship so elusive? What makes it so difficult to pin down?

I'm not sure. A lot of my friends now are either retired or semi-retired and I would envision that they are looking for the same thing. Moving into a new neighborhood and being the new kid on the block is an issue - friendships already exist so therefore - well, there isn't room for one more. People are busy. Agendas and schedules are full. Time is precious. Yada Yada Yada.

In any event, while I continue on this journey of weight loss, I will remain hopeful. I want to find a good friend. Someone to share this with. The door is open!

Thanks for listening!

Being Flexible

Being Flexible sometimes isn't easy for me. I have a routine - I have a plan. I like things to be orderly.

I say that I'm flexible - that I can be spontaneous - but the reality is that it kind of upsets me when things change. It upsets me when my plans don't turn out the way I'd thought they would.

I have a plan for my daily eating. And for the most part, it stays true. But things happen. Things that are out of my control. But beyond that - there are just times that I want something to eat that isn't on my "plan".

So what do I do? I commiserate. I fret. I lament over what I should have eaten verses what I did eat.

The solution? Be flexible. Go with the flow. Stay true - but stay flexible.

This is a life time eating plan I'm on. I am NOT always going to be eating exactly what I've put on paper. Things come up and also there are "food urges" that simply cannot be ignored.

This is not giving me permission to eat whatever I want. On the contrary. This is giving me permission to incorporate other foods into my daily life that I might otherwise "ban". And when I do, then I continue to go forward and continue to stay on task.

So this week - I'm trying to be flexible. I'm trying hard not to beat myself up for having one thing during the week that doesn't exactly fall in line.

Not easy - but doable.

End of Week 4

Well, I have to admit I was a little disappointed. I lost 1# this past week. I was hoping for 1.5# and seriously - if the scales had said I had lost 5# I wouldn't have been surprised! I just felt so good about this week and to have lost only 1# in a whole week just made me a little sad.

I'm not giving up and I'm not going to quit trying - but really? Isn't it funny - I had my heart set on 1.5# - so I was only .5 off - and still I feel like I didn't do well. Pretty hard on myself sometimes I guess.

I'm going to keep on moving forward - keep up the tracking and water and exercising - and eventually, when I'm 92 years old, I will reach my goal.

Smiling!

Variety is the spice of life!

Here I am - one day before weigh-in and I find myself almost giddy with expectation to see what tomorrow's scales say!

It was a good day - started off with water aerobics for an hour before I went to work. It was a well-planned day - I recorded everything I ate - stayed within the point range and just got back from a walk with the husband. I feel good - I feel like I accomplished my goal today - and I am ready for another day!

A new friend suggested putting the one point happy cow cheese on a small toasted bagel and then add tomatoes! I LOVE THAT IDEA - thanks so much for the suggestion!

Several ladies have been bringing herbs from their garden to the WW meetings to share with everyone! What a thoughtful idea - and what a good way to spice up otherwise bland meals without adding any calories or points!

Have a great Thursday everyone - and I'll let you know how tomorrow turns out!

Popcorn

It was another good day - and that makes me happy! I think one of the things that makes the eating part of my day go so smoothly is the pre-planning. I planned out everything I was going to eat today at the beginning of the day when I was having my coffee. I made sure and included a snack when I got home from work. As I've said before, this is a time that I usually want to graze. I've found that a rice cake with 1 T of peanut butter (3 points) fits the need perfectly.

I've also built in extra points at the end of the day - 2 or 3 - so that I can choose what I want. Sometiems it's a Weight Watchers 1 point ice creme bar. Tonite, it was a 2 point sack of popcorn and without a doubt, this was a good decision. I love the crunch tonite.

Isn't it funny how we crave different things at different times, at least I do! Sometimes I want sweet, sometimes salty, sometimes crunchy, and sometimes smooth. And you really never know until it hits you. That's why I've built in the points to use as I want to at the end of the day.

We had small group tonite and I made treats. I had strawberries, crackers and cheese and cucumbers - some with creme cheese on them and some without. For me, I had things that i could eat that were already built into today's plan. I could have 4-5 large strawberries (which were delicious I might add) and cucumbers. I also had found some Weight Watchers Happy Cow Swiss Cheese at the grocery store so I had one of those tonite instead of the other cheese or the creme cheese. I was as happy as can be with my choice.

I know full well that I won't always be. There will be times that I will juse pig out on the creme cheese and cheese and crackers. But for tonite, I didn't and I'm content here on my blog with a bowl of popcorn.

Blessings to you all!

A good day

Just a quick little note before I head off to bed. It was a good day! I planned ahead for every possible "snack moment" I might encounter and it worked.

I started off the day with breakfast and then I went to the gym. My brain was ready to quit before I hit the 5 mile mark on the bike, but I made myself finish and I'm glad I did.

I had my mid-morning protein shake, then lunch and then  mid-afternoon blueberry break. On my way home, I had saved points for a grande skinny hazelnut latte (yippee) and then a rice cake with 1T peanut butter. We had dinner and then I had a 1 point WW ice creme bar. There were still points left over that I could have a WW crunchy cheese snack as I was typing this. Ideally, I wouldn't really want to be eating at 10:30 at night but I did have points left over just in case, so I think it's ok.

Bottom line, I planned ahead to make today work. I feel good about it and I'm one step closer to losing 2# this week. Thanks for all the encouragement you send my way!

Finding something new inside myself

This is day 1 of week 4. The book for this week is titled "Habits of Successful Members" and has been very helpful for me. I took a small quiz called the Habit Profile. My highest marks were in "Learn From Experience" and highest of all "Manage Your Feelings".

I need to learn from little lapses and that they stop there instead of taking me off track completely. There is no such thing as failure. Only feedback. That was so freeing to me - every time I get off track, it is feedback to me. I can analyze it and figure out why I did it. Then, I figure out how to avoid it next time. Feedback. Good stuff. Expecting perfection is a quick way to fall of track. I definitely expect that of myself, in so many ways. I need to expect reality instead. I don't think that means that I can give myself enough rope to hang myself - on the contrary. I just need to give myself a little slack.

The pages that really spoke to me were about managing my feelings. Those of you who know me probably think that I do that rather well. Or maybe that's the way I perceive myself - a good handler of my emotions and feelings. I see myself as a stable person - in control - not wavering. How dangerous is that! Seriously - I'm far from that!

Becoming aware that I am an emotional eater was an eye-opening experience for me. Take last Tuesday as an example. If I could view that day's video, I would see exactly that example right in front of me. I am going to start paying attention to my hunger signals and then do something about it. If I'm "feeling" that I'm hungry soon after I've eaten, then there's something else going on. Am I bored? Am I annoyed or angry about something? Am I lonely? Am I feeling sad about something? Those things aren't too hard to figure out - but I need to be aware of it and then act on them. I need to have in place things to do when that happens to me. If I'm sitting at my desk at work and feel hungry, then I can get up and walk around for a bit - go outside for a minute. Offer to get the mail. Breathe in some outside air.

If I'm lonely for my children or for my grandson, I can call them. Step away and talk to them for a couple of minutes.

If I'm angry or annoyed - then deal with the situation. Eating does not take care of a single thing besides filling my stomach. If I'm not hungry, I shouldn't be eating.

To quote one of the leader's mentioned in this book: " It isn't the load that breaks us down, it's the way we carry it."

I also need to prepare myself. Successful people set goals, plan their efforts, and prepare for challenging scenarios. Research shows that setting goals is an important part of the weight-loss process. Goals that are broken down into smaller steps feel more attainable and allow for more frequent celebrations! (and not with food!!)

One of the things they talked about was anchoring. I like this and may try to implement it. This helps me get in touch with my "inner resources". For me, this strength comes from God. With anchoring, you connect to times in your life when you felt particularly patient, confident, determined or successful. Yout attach that memory to a physical object, a mental picture or a gesture. When you need those positive feelings, that confidence, that determination - you touch the object, conjure the image or make the gesture. I'm working on this right now - I have a few ideas and I will share them with you when I come to a good conclusion.

There was also the idea of reframing. This helps me to recognize the real motivation behind emotional eating - trying to accomplish an emotional need with food. Reframing helps you to fill that need with something other than food.  Ask yourself: What does this behavior give me? How does it benefit me? Then think what else I could do to get that benefit. Again - I'm in the process of working on this. Very interesting stuff.

Today I stayed on track completely. I keep track of points and didn't eat anything I shouldn't have. I felt good - I felt positive. One more day towards the goal.

Speaking of goals, I'm going to focus on a smaller goal this week. I would like to lose 2# this week. That is the goal.

Thank you anonymous for all of your comments - do I know you?  :)

"It isn't the load that breaks us down, it's the way we carry it."